Words
by Alyssa2
Summary: Slight AU, related to After the Rain. They've made it to Midgar, but Cloud still has a ways to go...


The other one was gone again.

He didn't like it when the other one was gone. The other one had always been there before, carrying him on and on and staying with him at night when it was cold and bringing him food and keeping him clean. He could fall asleep to the other one's breathing, and that was nice. When the other one went away, usually there were loud bad sounds, like fighting, and then he smelled blood and that wasn't nice but it was only a little while and then the other one came back. He came back and that was okay.

The other one still did those things, except for the carrying, but he went away for very long times now. There weren't any fighting sounds or any smell of blood, so that was good, but he didn't like being left alone here in this little room with no wind and nothing to look at but the window that stayed still. He missed seeing things move as the other one walked them along and talked to him.

Talking, talking. He missed that. He missed hearing the other one's voice all the time, because hearing that meant everything would be okay. How was he supposed to know if it would be okay when the other one was gone, gone all the time all day long and only came back when it got dark?

There was a girl, a nice girl with a soft voice who smelled like flowers all the time. He heard her talking to the other one sometimes, so he thought she wouldn't hurt him. She had warm hands, small and rough in places, and a soft touch when she put a hand on his forehead, and it was nice and he thought maybe he'd felt that once, long ago, but he didn't like to go that far back. If he went too far back there were sharp edges and green light and things that hurt him so he didn't go there, he only went forward with the other one. Except he wasn't going anywhere anymore, the other one wasn't there to take him places.

The girl had a name, Aerith, a soft nice name like wind and damp soil. The other one had had a name once, and he thought he had to have had one too, but they were both lost in the place with sharp edges so he didn't think too much about them. Names didn't matter if he had to go back for them. Better to just keep going. He didn't need to know names to listen to the other one's bright friendly voice that meant everything would be okay.

But the other one wasn't here, and the girl wasn't here either, and she wasn't the other one anyway, no matter how nice she was.

The light coming through the window was changing, turning darker and lower and redder. That was good, that meant that night was coming and the other one would be back soon. That made him happy. Maybe the other one would stay longer tomorrow and talk to him more. It was so boring just lying here, looking at that one little window. He slept sometimes when it was light because there was nothing else to do. But he stayed awake at night when he did that, and even though that meant he could lie there and listen to the other one breathe for a long time, he'd fall asleep late and when he woke up it was full light and the other one was gone again, gone gone gone.

There was the thought - there was always the thought - that the other one might not come back this time. Maybe the other one went far away like this so he wouldn't have to hear the fighting or smell the blood. Maybe one of these days the other one would be hurt too badly to come back. And then he would be alone with the girl and the window and that would not be good, that would be terrible, that would be the worst. The girl seemed to like the other one too, and if he didn't come back she would be hurt too. The other one had to come back, he thought, he had the two of them he had to come back to. As long as they stayed right here the other one would be okay.

There were footsteps coming up the stairs. He listened closely. It might be the girl coming up, her boots were heavy on the stairs like that. He hoped it was the other one - his footsteps were heavy too - but it wasn't dark yet, so it was probably the girl. That would be okay, not as good as he wanted, but okay because at least for now he wouldn't be alone. The door was opening now and the footsteps were coming in and someone turned the light on inside--

"Hey, Cloud."

And suddenly he was happy, happiness spreading inside him like warmth, because it was the other one, he was back again and it wasn't even dark yet.

There was a scraping of wood against the floor as the other one pulled a chair over, and sat down beside the bed, smiling over his folded arms. He thought he was smiling, anyway - he was off to the side and Cloud was still staring at that stupid window, so he couldn't see the other one clearly. But he was there, that was his voice and the sound of his breathing, and his smell. He smelled like flowers too, not as much as the girl, but a little bit, and also a little bit of smoke. Before, when he'd carried them everywhere, he smelled like dust and wet earth and a little bit like sweat. This was different, but he was still the same person, so it didn't make any difference.

"I got a job today!"

Words, words. They meant something, didn't they? When it was all moving and being carried and going far away from the sharp-edged place, he hadn't cared so much because it was nice enough just hearing the talking. In this room with its window, though, he was starting to think maybe words meant something, maybe something important. The other one was saying something good, probably, he sounded like it was a good thing he was saying.

"Just a little one, not much. Someone's moving shop and needs someone to help with the heavy lifting." The other one laughs quietly. "Not much of a job for an ex-SOLDIER, right? But I did decide to do anything that came my way, so it can't be helped..."

Something in him shivered away from that word, SOLDIER. He wasn't sure he liked that word. Some of its meanings were tied up in the sharp-edged place. That word was why they had been there, he thought.

"Anyway, it's a small shop. It shouldn't take more than a day with me helping. I might come back later than usual, though. Sorry."

Time words. Those were harder. He hadn't cared much about those for a long time. All he knew to care about was when it was time to move and eat and when it was time to sleep and whether the other one was gone for a long time or not. But he understood a little bit. The other one would be gone for a longer time. He didn't like that.

"Hey, but don't worry. I'll take a day or two off after that, okay? We'll work on helping you get better." And then the warm bright voice became soft and quiet and something else, maybe a little sad. "I know you're in there, Cloud. You just have to find your way back. I'll help you back, Cloud. I know you can do it."

But he didn't want to go back. Back was bad. Back led to the sharp-edged place with the green light and the things that hurt him, hurt them both. He didn't want the other one to talk about going back.

"So don't worry. I'll help you. You can count on me, Cloud."

The other one laid a hand on his shoulder, heavy and warm. And there was that word again. Cloud, Cloud. The other one kept saying that word, he'd been saying it for a long time. Was it an important one, then? He tried to think of the meaning. Cloud, Cloud... something far away? Something white... oh, yes, the white things in the sky, those were clouds. Why did the other one keep talking about clouds? There weren't any clouds in the room, they couldn't even see the sky...

The other one was silent for a long time, and in that silence, he finally puzzled it out. Cloud had another meaning. Cloud had been his name, the other one was calling him by name. So it was important. It seemed like a silly word to be so important. Cloud, Cloud. A Cloud in a blue sky. Strange.

"And then we can go out and work together, like I promised. Understand, Cloud?"

The hand moved from his shoulder to his hair, brushing through it affectionately, and that was nice and the words, when he groped for their meanings, were good too. Together. He wanted to go together with the other one. Those were very good words. He did understand.

And now, he realized, he wanted the other one to know he understood. He wanted that. What were the words for that? He could understand them coming in, if he tried, but it was harder to make them go out. Better to try something simple. A smile meant good things, a smile meant you were happy. He decided to try smiling.

It was harder than he'd thought. His body felt too heavy, and it was hard remembering in the haze of his mind, all cloudy - Cloudy - and fogged up. The other one had gone quiet again. But he didn't want to give up now. The other one had to know he understood. He struggled against himself, fighting his own body and mind to cooperate and remember which muscles to move and how to move them. The other one had to know.

There was an unaccustomed sort of stretching feeling in his face, short-lived and wobbly, and he felt put out, he didn't think he'd done it well at all. And then the other one was jumping back, the chair legs skidding on the wood floor, his hand coming away from Cloud's hair.

"Cloud!"

Yes? he thought vaguely, the word fading back into the mist almost before it had formed itself.

"Did you just smile at me?"

He wasn't sure what that sound in the other one's voice was. It sounded a little like happiness, but it was hard to tell.

"You did! You smiled! Aerith! Cloud just smiled at me!"

Now he did sound happy. That was good. The last of that was shouted out the door and down the stairs. He heard the girl yell something back, and the other one answered, "He did! I was talking to him and he smiled!" He still couldn't make out what the girl said when she replied, but her voice sounded happy too.

The other one came back to his side, closer now, sitting on the bed and leaning over him. Cloud saw his smile clearly now, and the thought that he'd done that, that he'd given the other one something to smile about, felt good. He smiled again, and it held a little better this time.

"You're getting better, Cloud," the other one said, his voice tight and choked but not sad, not sad at all. "I knew you could do it. I knew it. You're going to be okay, Cloud. You're going to be okay."

Of course he was going to be okay. He knew that already. Whenever the other one was around, he knew he would be okay.

The other one put his hand on his shoulder again and squeezed gently. "Aerith's cooking dinner. I'm going to go down and help her with it, but I'll be back up when it's done. Okay, Cloud?"

If he'd been waiting for words back from Cloud, he didn't wait very long; the squeeze turned into a companionable pat, and then he was standing up, his footsteps carrying him out of the room. And he was gone again, but that was okay because it was only for a little while. He would be back soon, and he would stay until it was light again.

It would be a longer time after that until the other one came back, a long lonely time of being bored and looking at that window. But maybe that would be okay too. He could manage a smile, and that had made the other one happy. That was very important to him, suddenly. The other one did everything for him. It was only right that he start to give something back, wasn't it?

That settled it, and he closed his eyes, smiling to himself this time. He'd decided.

Tomorrow, he would work on finding words again. 


End file.
